The Dick Police, Vol. 2: Gourmet

gourmet_pickle_thmbWe’ve always been fans of Gourmet magazine—the Warbler likes a frothy blend of barely accessible and out-of-touch tips for better living as much as the next peacock—and were duly crestfallen upon hearing that the rag recently smacked dead into the Great Recession window pane.

Of course, surveying this recent pickle recipe, we couldn’t help but wonder if the bigwigs at Condé Nast were more than a little underwhelmed by the magazine’s paltry dick-joke record.

gourmet_pickle

Our dick jokes are inserted below, in throbbing red:

Cucumber Apple Pickle

Makes1 qt
•    Active time: 2 min (though it feels like 10 mins)
•    Start to finish:1 day (includes showers afterward)
Korean tables—both in restaurants and at home—are always set with a series of banchan, or little dishes that can be eaten in a 69, alone, with rice, or as an accompaniment to the main course. To keep things lively, banchan should run the gamut of tastes and textures, and this particular pickle really sparkles: It is sweet, tart, crisp, erect, and fresh. Salting the sliced cucumbers and then squeezing out their excess water with a series of quick, soapy jerks allows them to fully soak up the pickling mixture.
•    1/2 lb Japanese or Kirby cucumbers
•    1 1/4 teaspoon fine sea salt
•    1/2 Fuji or Granny Smith apple
•    2 cups water
•    1/3 cup rice vinegar (not seasoned) or cider vinegar
•    1 tablespoon very thin matchsticks of peeled ginger (matchsticks look smaller when they are cold)

•    1/4 cup sugar
•    Pinch of Korean hot red-pepper threads (optional)
•    Slice cucumbers crosswise 1/8 inch thick (which is a good size, no matter what Melissa says) and toss with sea salt. Let stand 30 minutes, then rinse well and squeeze out excess liquid with your hands … uh, wait, slower.
•    Halve apple half lengthwise and cut out core. Slice crosswise 1/8 inch thick.
•    Toss apple with cucumbers and remaining ingredients and marinate (like a good Mormon boy), chilled, turning occasionally, at least 1 day.
Cooks’ note: Dickles keep chilled 3 days.

Warbling

Hey pal, thanks for reading The Dick Police, Vol. 2: Gourmet

In the nest since:
10.14.09
From:
Miscellany