The Sparkling Sparrow

It doesn’t take much to get us drunk. Generally speaking, two Dubonnet blancs send us crashing into window panes.

Because we can only handle a few, we like to make our drinks super-fancy. The Sparkling Sparrow is our own twist on the strawberry-mango daiquiri and, frankly, it’s zomething different. However, if you want to make it, you’ll have to act fast. Why? Because Zima has been discontinued! Something about “challenging malternative segment sales and declining consumer interest.” Well, at least Zima’s passing has alerted us to the existence of the word “malternative.”

—Why can’t you just play baseball like all the other nice boys?

—Why can’t you embrace my malternative lifestyle! Sometimes I wish I was never born!

Get out your blender (we use a Waring Pro, because we’re awesome). Pour in four hearty glugs of rum (we used Rubi Rey, because we got some for free from Amy Sedaris—again, awesome), add one cup of frozen strawberries, one cup of fresh mango, and three seconds of room temperature honey. Pulse the shit out of the mixture to get the chunks of strawberry managable, and then blend until smooth. Pour into fancy glasswear. Bore a cavern down the middle of each daiquiri with a butter knife and, moving swiftly, fill the hole with Zima. Smooth the bubbling hole over with the edge of the knife and garnish with a fresh mint leaf from the garden. Drink these while watching Leaving Las Vegas. Slam your second Sparkling Sparrow when Nicolas Cage tries to lure the sexy woman at the bar home with the promise of a “gooey blender drink.”

Oh no you don’t rooster!