The Warbler Wonders – Web Exclusive!

This is the first in a series of articles that were unjustly edited or maybe didn’t fit in the print edition.

Costa Rica is a land rich in bird splendor. This wonder comes from our dear Costa Rican friend, the Eared Grebe.

…what’s the farthest you’ve ever made out in an alley?

I sucked on a boob one time in an alley.
-Tim, New York

I got to third base, that’s down the pants with fingers, right? A friend had told me this girl had a crush on me, and I ran into her at a bar. We were drunk and flirting, then went out “to smoke a cigarette” in the alley across the street. It got all hot and heavy really quick. I don’t remember if it ended because her friend called her back or we just decided it was weird and slutty. We joked about it once, weeks later, at the same bar (she didn’t want to go do it again) and remained friends afterward. It’s nice when that kind of shit ends like that.
-Peter, Los Angeles

Once upon a time I was kicked out of Goodbar after losing my wallet, accusing the bartender of stealing it and cutting my hand on broken glass in a garbage can looking for it. Funny thing was none of this got me booted. It was Rachel and her Evian water bottle full of vodka that the authorities spotted. Once outside, she revealed she had my wallet the entire time, so we giggled and adjourned to the nearest alley to make out against a dumpster and eventually on the curb where I would round 2nd base. This would then transform into going back to her apartment (which she shared with her boyfriend) and making out in front of his passed out body on the couch stopping only when he would grunt. The night ended with me climbing down her fire escape after she gave me $20 for a 2 block cab ride.
-Kyle, Chicago

I was in a relationship once which was almost entirely based on making out in alleyways. Hell, not just alleyways: On street corners, against large pieces of public art, in underground parking lots, in over-ground parking lots, under freeway overpasses, you name it. My valiant partner would pick me up at my house with a couple tall boys of some fucked-up kind of malt liquor and we would just cruise around, looking for inappropriate places to make out. By the end of the night we’d be shitfaced in one of those Skid Row bars where the bartender clearly has a sawed-off shotgun under the counter and all the beer tastes like piss. After a couple weeks of this we tried to go on a real date, and we mutually agreed after sitting across from each other at a Thai restaurant for what felt like hours that it was the most boring thing either of us had ever done.
-Anonymous Female

I put my hand down a guy’s pants once in an alley and touched his bear butt. He was a friend of mine and said I could touch it only if we hid from public view. I’d just eaten a whole bag of M&Ms and was feeling giddy.
-Megan, Denver