Wirds of Denver: The New Scheme

Stuart Anderson is a dry and willowy young fellow originally from Longmont. He has the knees of a baby giraffe, the heart of a lioness and the rapier wit of a Wilde or a Sagat. All of this is reflected in his print publication, The New Scheme, which rose from the ashes of his previous project, Midget Breakdancing Digest, in 2000. Along with spelunking the national music scene on a periodical basis, Anderson enjoys Action Slacks, bob socks and an irony-free existence.

Just this week he added a mixtape feature to the magazine’s website and sent Issue 18 to the printer—download the PDF here.

Wait, no, here.

So Stu, what’s the best thing about publishing your own zine?

The best thing used to be getting free records in the mail. Now everyone gets free records, but not in the mail. So, I guess getting the “there’s too much mail to fit in your PO Box” slip twice a week might be the best thing at this point.

What is the suckiest thing?

Always being behind, and not being able to pay contributors.

Fill in the blank: the world needs another zine like it needs boobies!

A pledge drive on NPR, or a Shane Company commercial on an FM station. They are annoying, but supposedly necessary.

Now that The New Scheme is kinda old, have you considered changing the name to The Adolescent Scheme, or maybe just The Scheme that Still Works Hard, So Don’t Just Let it Go for Some Stupid New One?

I would change it to The Pubescent Scheme but I bet that web address is already taken.

Could you have made The New Scheme in New York City?

Maybe a different scheme, with an ironic mustache.

How about Phoenix?

If I could find time for it, between hitting up some pseudo-L.A. nightclubs and fucking killing myself.

Myspace.com, friend or foe?

I would pretend to hate it, but it accounts for roughly half the downloads of the digital version.

Facebook.com?

Never used it.

Friendster.com (is this even around anymore?)?

Of course it is, check us out there: www.friendster.com/pubescentscheme.

How gay is Maximum Rock’n'Roll?

Gayer than Elton John’s silk robe.

Would you rather be a roadie for Breathe Carolina or suck an expired urinal cake dry?

That depends. Is the urinal cake covered in ricin? It is? Ok, just checking. I’ll take that.

What is your favorite song about Denver/Colorado and why?

I can tell you what my least favorite is—Modest Mouse, “Trucker’s Atlas.” It’s a solid song, but after living in Boulder it just reminds me of flipflop bros with backwards mesh hats that TOTALLY get that song now since they’ve moved here.

What is your favorite song about a bird and why?

Nelly Furtado. I like how you asked that, as if there is any other song about a bird that matters. It begins and ends with Furtado: the voice of a generation.

What is your favorite birdsong and why?

Superb Lyrebird. Not only do they rip off every other bird, but also have the best name and they have been hanging out with Sir David Attenborough since way back in the day.

How can we get The Denver Warbler reviewed in The New Scheme?

Make it into a subtly ironic post-hardcore band, then we’ll talk.

What if we buy an ad?

Then I’ll interview YOU. But only if you buy a full page.

Did you know this guy in your former life?

That is sort of like all the blow the president did in college. Everyone knows it happened, but I’d rather if you didn’t bring it up.

Which feels better in the long run, touching it, putting it to sleep, or beating it up?
Obviously touching it is the most rewarding day to day, but it is almost summer which has always been beating it up season.